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Attack on Titan is Bullshit

Why would...

Ok, I am sorry, the wound is fresh and I'm mostly writing to vent, but we need to discus Attack on Titan.

Or more specifically why Attack on Titan is bullshit.

Ok so the first episode had me right away with the scouts riding through the forest and then launching themselves into the air, and then the opening, which we can both agree is great and has great music, and they immediately followed it up with that scene of the titan looking over the wall, and Armin monologuist.

But then it hits a snag, a 20 minute snag, because it shows you life before that moment, and I don't need to see life before that moment since I saw the character designs, and the village, and I get that it's a medieval European fantasy world, probably Teutonic. But that snag doesn't matter because the last 3 minute payoff is SPEC-FUCKI'N-TACULAR. Better than that the second episode, which is what I wanted to see since the first scene after the opening does an even better job of setting the tone of the invasion. It's like watching a tsunami, or a tornado. The titans are an unstoppable force of nature, and all you can do is watch and despair at how unfair it all is.

The third episode isn't special, but it's also necessary because it introduces a lot of characters, and between the last scene of that episode, and the first scene of the fourth episode we find out that the hero of this story is Rock Lee, only not in that shit fest Naruto, which is fucking wonderful. Even better than that the fourth episode makes the first episode lull more relevant, so I am thoroughly engaged in everything now.

Then the other shoe drops, and we FINALY see what we've all been waiting for, and the confrontation starts in earnest.

And I don't know what the fuck the author is thinking by the end of episode five. Six is no better except I think maybe Mikasa is going to be the main character, only it really fucks with the 'idealic' setting we get to see in the first episode, but no worries because then the end of seven happens, and then eight starts and...

Attack on Titan is bullshit.

Why would you show me steam grappling ninjitsu if the story isn't about steam grappling ninjitsu. It's like if Obi-Wan had shown Luke the light saber only to immediately be shot in the bar so that Luke will realize the power of the blaster pistol pendant his father gave him when he was a child.

Everything up until the last five minutes of episode five told me that this was going to be an adaptation of Jack the Giant killer, or the epic of Siegfried/Sigurd, or, wait was it Saint George who slew a dragon? Ya know what it doesn't matter I would have put up with a beanstalk for this anime, but now it's all going to be about how Erin, and I presume any one else his father experimented on, turns into super saiyans and fights other saiyans.

The first five episodes told me this anime was about brave humans fighting monters, and instead I find out it's about super humans fighting super humans while Krillin and everyone else I WOULD care about stands off to the side clenching their fists and watching.

That's unfair. I should have really made a Naruto reference, maybe Bleach, right there, I'm sorry DBZ you're still OK in my book.

But yeah that's the thing, even if you had to kill Eren, and I don't think that was necessary except to further the super human thing, you could have had an anime about Armin coming up with plans, and Mikasa implementing them, and it would have been much more satisfying.

Maybe the only thing more satisfying than that would have been if Eren and the rest of the 104th just straight up did that to begin with.

*mumbling to myself as I walk away*
Shit man, fighting monsters, how hard is it to make that interesting. Fucking, and this in the year of Pacific Rim. What the fuck? That is bullshit!



August 2014

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